I have wanted to talk about this for such a long time because this person and situation really had a huge impact on my life. I always felt like I couldn’t talk about it because then more rumors would be started about me or even more people wouldn’t like me. Thankfully I have learned that rumors mean nothing and people liking me means nothing. I have a few very close friends who really helped me through this whole time in my life and know the truth, for them, I am so grateful. I want to write about this because I know I can’t be the only one who has/is going through something like this and I want to ensure those who are going through this that everything will work out in the end. This is to the girl who made my life a living hell.
I still feel bad for all of the miscommunication, but you made my life a living hell during the period when I should have been having the time of my life. I don’t know why you did what you did to me, but it seemed so very natural for you to lie and spread hateful things about me. I heard a new rumor about myself every single day in school. I dreaded going to school because of you. I hated people staring and whispering about what I had supposedly done to you. Sure, you’re not fully to blame, I shouldn’t have passed along those messages to him – I apologized. I feel bad that you were so insecure and had to escalate matters in order for people to have sympathy for you. I still don’t understand how lying was so easy for you. You know that I tried to keep to myself in school, I didn’t have a ton of friends and myself was insecure as well. We had been friends for a really long time, although I am not sure why … you did bully me a lot now that I think of it… I constantly felt belittled by you. During your hardest times, I really did try to help. I spent hours worried about you because you were my “friend”. You told people that I was sleeping with your ex-boyfriend while I had a boyfriend of my own. This made me and your ex boyfriend look terrible. You had told people all of these nasty things that I did to you when I was simply concerned for you and your mental health. You made several of your suicide attempts to look like it was the fault of him and I. You’ll never know how bad that hurt me, especially because people actually believed those lies. What you didn’t tell anyone was that I went and visited you in the hospital, constantly checked up on you, and truly cared about you even after all of the slander. I guess I was the bad guy for seeing through your bullshit and having proof of your lies. I am truly sorry for your struggle with mental illness, that hit me really close to home because I confided in you after I attempted suicide.
Also, I bet you remember that time when you came into the gym locker room where everyone was changing just so you could rip me apart in front of 20 girls. As I was getting dressed you were screaming at me, I was humiliated – I am sure that is what you intended for, so congrats you succeeded. You could have waited for everyone to leave so that we could have a civil conversation and I could explain what had happened, but you just continued to scream at me and tell me how much you wanted to hit me. Man, I wish you hit me lol. I think this forced me to leave school early because I couldn’t breathe. You made my life a living hell that day, and most days throughout that year.
I didn’t see you much during summer vacation. Once college rolled around you came to campus often. I bet you didn’t tell anyone that when you would come, you came and visited me and a mutual friend. You came around a bunch even though you didn’t go to school there, all of the times you were equally as drunk… I wonder if you ever told anyone about the times that I drove you home because I wouldn’t let you get behind the wheel plastered – am I still that bad guy you made me out to be? Crazy how soon after this you once again started to spread lies about me. Thankfully, I was at a new school and no one knew who you were. I didn’t give a shit anymore about what people thought about me. Some “fake” Instagram accounts were made about you, bullying you. Sorry, but I still wonder if you made them for attention… actually, I know you made them because I have proof (still). Anyway, you told people that I made those accounts. You allegedly filed a police report because people were calling you out for seeking attention… and of course, the location where the account had come from was my college. Because of course it did, you wanted me to look like the bad guy. Even fewer people started to believe this bullshit. I know for a fact that I didn’t make those accounts because I was out of town that weekend it all happened. Thankfully, everyone started to not give two shits about what was going on with you. But honestly, everything that happened made my life a living hell for quite some time.
It took me a really long time and countless therapy sessions to come to terms with what had all happened that past year and a half of my life. It took a really, really long time, I shouldn’t have stayed up those nights crying, I shouldn’t have wasted a single ounce of energy trying to wonder what I ever did to you and why you hated me so much. As silly as it sounds you actually scared me, I was genuinely scared of what you could do to me because you knew where I lived. Sure, there are still people who believe those lies you so easily spewed but thankfully I don’t live my life wanting people to like me, anymore. My closest friends and I can laugh about all of that bullshit now because they know the truth. Once you left my life, I was confused for a while, but as time went on I didn’t feel like I had a toxic cloud constantly hanging over me. Thank you for teaching me who my real friends are, I seriously owe ya one! Thanks for being the girl who made my life a living hell.
To those who have gone through or are going through something similar with a very toxic person in your life, just let them go because I promise your life will quickly turn around. Never allow someone to make you feel less than and don’t get caught up in rumors about yourself. Let go of those spiteful and manipulative friends, the only friends that should matter to you are the ones who lift you up and make you want to be a better person.
Thanks so much for KUWK! Xoxo
“You will know a friendship is not natural when you don’t feel relaxed with” – Bangambiki Habyarimana
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255